Well, a week after my two self-published books hit the "shelves" on Amazon, I can proudly say, for the first time in my life, that my love of writing has earned money. Okay, it's not even enough for a full tank of gas at this point. But it's a start.
I continue to pray on a daily -- well, hourly is more like it -- basis. I pray that my husband and I have made the right decisions. I pray for the flow of words to continue. I still pray that, if it's God's will, that I find an actual job; and I don't believe it's wrong for me to pray that if I'm supposed to have a "real" job, that it be something I can be happy doing.
You see, I spent five years at a job with which I had a love-hate relationship. I loved every single thing about the job except for one: one of the owners. This particular person could turn my normally positive attitude on its ear, making me angry, hurt and frustrated by her constant criticism. Don't get me wrong; I believe we all learn from constructive criticism. Destructive criticism, however, only damages.
The longer I stayed at that job, the more I found my anger affecting my very walk with God. It is difficult, if not impossible, to have a heart that is right with God when you are constantly bitter, hurt and angry. Perhaps I wasn't strong enough, or good enough, I truly don't know. All I know is that, since leaving that job, walking away from that anger, I have found my heart -- my happy heart again.
So in the midst of financial struggles, I thank God every day for leading me back to myself. I thank Him for the opportunity to follow this dream. And I ask for His blessing on this journey.
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